No Tengo Tiempo/No Quiero Sueños

I have no time. I really don't. I never thought I would see the day where I wish it had about six more hours in it. I find myself always having things that I need to do and I can barely do the things that I want to do. I definitely make time for fun but it still feels like there are not enough hours in the day.

Sometimes I wish I could just stop the earth at key moments and just get what I need to get done. I think sometimes I worry that I don't live in the moment enough. You could never know what's going to happen tomorrow or how much time you could have with somebody. I wonder if my desire for my time in the day is just an extension of this.



I think I wish I had time in all aspects of my life: past, present, and future. I look back on all the good times in the past...and I remember thinking that I wish they had lasted longer. But no time lasts forever. And it's usually the good times that fly by the fastest. I'm not sure what cruel hand of fate made that happen, but it does.

I think I'm just feeling really emotional right now. I'm not sure where it's coming from. I'm glad that I have a sense of the person I am and can be honest with myself about certain issues. That's one change in me that I adore. The things that I think aren't always pleasant, but that's the price that comes with honesty. The down and dirty thoughts as well as the wonderful ones.

All days aren't good days. I can say that much. But all days are better now that I have someone to talk to. When I'm upset, I can talk about what's bothering me and bounce ideas off of someone. That means a lot to me.

Dreams have been bothering me lately. I think one thing I can't stand about dreams is that they cannot be controlled. I've been having dreams that I wish would stop. It upsets me in the morning when I wake up. I guess a part of is glad that dreams fade after awhile because these are dreams I don't want to remember. The dreams aren't unpleasant, I just don't want to dream them.

But then I realize the dreams I'm having are natural and I shouldn't be ashamed or guilty about having them. The dreams themselves are innocent but it's the fact that they are there that is upsetting. I think I'm worried in the future that they won't be so innocent and then i would feel immensely guilty. So now, I'm afraid to dream. Heh, almost like Nightmare on Elm Street but with a different twist:

One, two, freddys coming for you
Three, four, better lock your door
Five, six, grab a crucifix
Seven, eight, gunna stay up late
Nine, ten, never sleep again.

Not exactly like that. But I'm worried that it will come to that. I think I will look for ways to have a dreamless sleep. I just want dreams to leave me alone to live my life. They have so much power and leave you feeling powerless. I hate that feeling. My only reprieve is that I have someone to share them with.