Lucky

I know I've probably posted on this before. But I have to say it again. Right now, I feel rich beyond all belief. And of course I'm not talking about money, because I don't have much of that at all.

I have my family. We are all so close and I love them so much. My sisters are my closest friends and I don't know what I would do without them. I am blessed to have parents who love us and love each other. I feel so wonderful to have them.

I have my friends. I have wonderful friends who are fiercely loyal and I never tire of their company. I can speak my mind without guilt and it's awesome to have a set of people around that make you feel good just by being with them.

I have my love. J is always there for me. He is the one who makes me smile every day and and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life as his wife. He's gentle, kind, funny and considerate. You judge a person by how they treat other people, not just how they treat you. He's amazing and I am so glad that he chose me.

So, I feel extremely lucky and rich. I've made a lot of mistakes in my past and a lot of times, I feel that I don't deserve the wealth that I have right now. Material possessions are nothing if you don't have people you care about by your side. Be thankful for what you have. Others surely have less.

Insane...yes...in the Membrane

Everything is so crazy here lately. Wedding planning is kicking into high gear so I don't have much time to breath, let alone post. But I promise you that I am still alive and kickin'. Just feeling a bit crazy and insane from all that I have to take care of.

I did have some thoughts the other day. When Patrick Swayze passed away, why in the heck were people joking about it? Yes, I know he's a celebrity and he lived in the public eye, but what gives people the gall to joke about him dying? That just pissed me off to no end the other day. I know everybody has different types of humor but that's just definitely not mine.

I'm so thankful for J for holding me down right now. He definitely makes this life worth living. Thanks Babe :)

P.S. Had some crab rangoon that was fan-freakin-tastic!

The Two Perfect

I saw the two of the most perfect for each other people get married this past weekend. I usually am not a crier, but as they danced their first dance and she danced with her father, the tears flowed. They were so beautiful and so true. You could tell their love was the real thing and I was glad to be able to witness it.

Whoever you love, make sure you love them to the fullest. Give them your all and never let them go. I am feeling sentimental at the moment, so forgive me. Time for me to get a hug from the one that I love to the fullest.

Inspired

I don't know why I feel the way I feel right now and I can hardly explain it. There are so many things I want to accomplish with my life. But unfortunately, I can't do them all. It's the little thing called money. So I have to pick and choose what I would like to do. I think each year I will pick something wonderful and fantastic that I want to do. And I will accomplish it within that year. I feel inspired.

Woman in the Mirror

This is a post that I have been hesitant to write. This is a post that forces me to be brutally honest to myself. I will confront things and admit things that I usually wouldn't do.

I also hesitate to write it because there are others that would be happy at my misfortune or laugh at my sadness. I really didn't want to feed that but then I realized that this post is about me. And not about them.

So why post? Because I think that other people might be in the same boat and I want them to know that they are not alone. Because sometimes, I feel really alone in dealing with this. This post is about my weight.

Before someone immediately jumps to conclusions and say, stop eating what you want and work out and stop being lazy, maybe stop and read what I'm going to say.

I have always had a problem with my weight. I have never been extremely overweight but I've always weighed more than my friends which made it hard sometimes. When they would pinch the skin of their sides and proclaim themselves fat or that they needed to lose weight, that did not have a positive effect on my self-image.

My weight has fluctuated up and down depending on what I am going through. When I am happy, I tend to gain weight. When I am sad and stressed, I tend to lose. When I am feeling good, my weight increases and it's hard to keep it down.

A couple of years ago, I went through a really bad time and my weight plummeted. I lost 30 pounds in a month. It was very unhealthy but I didn't do it intentionally. But I did like how I looked at the end.

I have gained all of that back plus some more for good measure. I look at myself and it's hard to tell myself that I like how I look. Because I really don't. Reminders of how I want to look are everywhere. Every woman I see, I compare myself to. And I seem to keep coming up lacking.

I have said in my mind so many times. Ok, instead of thinking about it, do it. Eat healthy and exercise. But this quickly digresses and I end up not doing it or I end up making excuses. There are physical reasons why I can't lose weight and to those women I want to let them know they are not alone.

I do have a problem with eating what I want. I have an impulse problem which tends to bleed out into every facet of my life. If I want something, I tend to do it without thinking of the consequences. I have managed to not let this disrupt my personal life, but I still allow this in other areas of my life which is not a good idea.

A very big reason why I have problems losing weight is that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. There are a lot of symptoms but one of these is weight gain and difficulty losing weight. I am taking medication for it but it doesn't really help the symptoms even though my dosage has been increased.

And the third thing is that I HATE exercise. I have tried gyms, weights, tae bo, running and I hate it all. I have tried pilates or zumba so those are also possibilities but I'm not sure if I have enough time to do those.

So here I am, overweight and not happy with myself. Yes I have an actual disorder that keeps me from losing weight like other people, that does not mean I have to be stuck at my weight. I refuse to use that as an excuse. So I have to do it. Somehow. I really want to like what I see in the mirror.

So any other woman who is in the same place as me, just know you are not alone. And it can be done. Support is out there for those who need it.

I feel like I am rambling now and this is one of the longest posts I have ever posted. But my goal is slow and steady and not fret over every single pound. Thanks to all that support me and stand by me and tell me I am beautiful the way I am.

Lame Co-Worker Joke #3

(This guy just keeps giving me ammunition to work with! R.I.P Ted Kennedy. I honestly don't know a lot about his politics and policies but I could feel the respect and love that a lot of people feel for him so that part saddens me. Now on to my lame coworker joke that relates to this.)

(Seeing the book that I was reading).

Lame Co-worker: Oh! Terry Brooks! I read him about a hundred years ago!

Co-Worker #1: Oh I didn't know you were that old.

Lame Co-Worker: Oh you didn't know? I was Ted Kennedy's godfather!

Me: /rolls eyes and walks away.

Meet Up!

Just got done getting dressed for meetup with guildies in Nashville. This should be a blast! Then going to party with my friend Adrienne tonight. It's going to be a good day.

We dropped Toby off at Petsmart for doggy day care. It was funny because he didn't give us a second glance back as we left. (or even a first!) We love that our dog is independent. Clinginess is not good.

You all have a great weekend and enjoy it to the fullest! Pics and news when I come back.