Lisa Simpson Sings The Blues

I used to have this song on my computer until it conked out on me. I have to find out a way to get it. This song still makes me smile after all these years. Go on, Lisa, with your bad self.

I'm in a Political Twilight Zone

So I have a lot to talk about on the political front but since this just came across the wire, it has to be this. I am absolutely speechless at the choice that John McCain has made in his running mate. He has chosen Sarah Palin who is three years younger than Obama, has never been on the floor, and has no experience in Washington. That's not the thing I'm amazed about. It's the fact that he waved around Obama's inexperience like a great flag. And now he has gotten someone even less experienced than he is!

Yes, I can see his gameplan. I'll get a woman Veep candidate and all the women will flock to me. And in some instances, it might actually work. But it's so big, it's really hard to wrap my head around it. I suppose I'm worried about women who just vote for McCain because he has a female vice presidential candidate. The fact that she is a woman will overshadow everything. I have to think about this some more.

Anyway, the rest of the Democratic National Convention was awesome. I really really wish I could have been there. Maybe in another four years. I listened to Michelle Obama's speech which was amazing. She is a wonderful woman and will be an excellent first lady. Hillary's speech which I commented on was also heartfelt and encouraging.

Joe Biden's speech was one that I loved to hear. He is a joy to listen to and is also gave a heartfelt speech. He makes you want him to be the vice president. One thing that I loved personally is that he used to stutter when he was younger. Some people think all kinds of things about stutterers but in reality, it's just a little glitch in the brain. Like Joe Biden and my life partner J says, "My mind moves too fast for my brain." So in reality, stutterers are super geniuses. So I don't mind that I stutter and I feel sorry for people who laugh. The fact that they aren't more aware is ludicrous.

Bill Clinton was just Bill. He reveled in the applause and even said he loved it. You can't blame him for being honest. But he also threw his support behind Obama fully but I could tell he was still kind of upset that Hillary didn't win.

To cap it all off, I watched Obama's 45 minute speech on the Promise of America. It was really good which seems a little lame for his speech. I loved it so much and it made me even more proud to have him as my presidential candidate. If you haven't seen it. Take a look, the speech is everywhere!

So all in all, I am extremely excited about politics this year. I can't wait to vote!

A Giant Colon Comes to Louisville

I wish I had the time to go out and see this at Jefferson Mall this weekend. Who knows? Maybe I will go out just so I can supply you all with pictures.

'Super Colon' to be at Jefferson Mall

The Courier-Journal • August 28, 2008

The “Super Colon,” an inflatable replica that is 8 feet tall and 20 feet long, will be on display in Jefferson Mall this weekend to illustrate the dangers of colorectal cancer.

“This disease is 90 percent preventable but most people are unaware of its impact,” said Councilwoman Madonna Flood, who represents the area.

Attendees can walk through the inflatable to look at healthy colon tissues, tissues with non-malignant colorectal diseases and various stages of colorectal cancer.

The exhibit, which is sponsored by the Colon Cancer Prevention Project, stresses early detection and treatment options in Kentucky, which has the highest cancer death rate in the country.

It will be on display near Sears at the mall, 4801 Outer Loop, from 10 a.m. until 9 p.m. Saturday; noon until 6 p.m. Sunday; and normal shopping hours on Labor Day.
Door prizes also will be available.

For more information, call Betty Mueller or Dr. Whitney Jones at 290-0288. To learn more about the project, visit www.coloncancerpreventionproject.org.

I Want To Go To Showbiz Pizza Place!

Sorry for not posting in a while. Got super busy at work and home time is being spent with J. anyway. Found this on a site that I visit often. I thought it was hilarious how the timing was perfect. Enjoy it and laugh!

I Am The Luckiest

You sent this to me months ago. I didn't realize how much this would mean. Listened to this over and over today. I think it's because I realize that I am the luckiest. I wish others had what we had. I wish that others can find what we have. I am the luckiest. You are the luckiest. WE are the luckiest. I love you.



I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?



And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest


I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away



I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know


That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What's The Baby Using?

Microsoft is Evil (and Stupid) part 2.

J reminded me of another Microsoft Evil problem. You can read it here.

Microsoft is Evil (and Stupid)

Just a little sidenote on why i think Microsoft is Evil and/or stupid. Like the picture above...note little Bill Gates on the front row.

I was working a problem at my job and I needed to search for a particular phrase in a file. The problem was I didn't know which file the phrase would be found in. I had 19 possible files in the folder. I said fine, I'll just use Microsoft's Search tool. Used it, didn't find anything. I was like am I going crazy? So I tried it again and didn't find it.

I know what you're saying. "Well, Renee, it must not have been there!". Well you're wrong. I manually looked through every file and found it....in the sixth file. I couldn't understand why Microsoft Search wouldn't find it. Our Information Technology Officer explained why in my team forum. Microsoft is stupid. Seriously. Their search function will not search files with unregistered extensions. Our files contain insurance claims so they could contain any kind of file extension: .RAP, .RAT, .DAT, etc.

To rectify the problem, we have to use Agent Ransack. If you all have the same problem, use it. I've heard a lot of good things. So that's just another little thing that bugs me about Microsoft. It's still better than Apple....they haven't sunk that low yet. We'll see.

UPDATE: J reminded me that Microsoft is stupid in another way. You can read it here.

Hillary Clinton Supports Barack Obama

If there was any doubt if Hillary supported Barack, there is none now. I've always favored Obama over Senator Clinton but she did really, really well last night. I think she had all the proper needed elements in her speech last night.

• Gratitude to her supporters
• Generous support to Obama
• Condemnation of McCain and Bush
• Giving hope for the future.

She didn't disappoint and I must say it was the best speech that I have ever heard her give. Now if only those loony Hillary supporters will get behind Obama. I understand that they support Hillary Clinton but to not vote for Barack Obama because (a) Hillary didn't win or (b) Obama didn't pick her as his running mate is ridiculous. Are they willing to see McCain in the White House because their feelings are hurt? If Obama's political opinions don't mesh with yours and you don't see fit for him to serve as president, by all means vote for the opposition. But don't have sour grapes. I suppose that's my rant. If you haven't seen the speech. Go watch it. It definitely set the mood for the convention. P.S. I did like when she said Barack Obama and the Democrats. Made it sound like a cool rock band.

I also loved Michelle Obama's speech on Monday night. She's intelligent, articulate, independent and would make a wonderful first lady. The only bad things I've heard about that speech is "I didn't like what she was wearing." /shakes head. She did what a first lady should do, support her husband and hit home what he believes in. So I was extremely excited about that as well.

I am excited about the rest of the speeches: Bill Clinton, Joe Biden, and (of course) Barack Obama. I'm excited about the politics and this is one of the few times that I've been watching and paying attention. NPR has a lot to do with it (listen to it, you'll love it). I'll be crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

Dollar Movies Tuesday!

So it's time to go to the dollar movies today. Today we're going to see Wanted. I loved the comic book series and I hope that the movie is good. Heard mediocre things about it but I think seeing it with J will make it seem awesome even if it's not.

I'm excited about the Worldfest coming up his holiday weekend! If you have never been, I sincerely urge you to go. Click the link to see the entertainment schedule. I really want to see the belly dancing and flamenco. I went a couple of years ago and it was fantastic. Hmmm, I have to see if I have a video of it. I might, if so I will post it so all can enjoy that which is Worldfest. The food is amazing as well as the entertainment. I'm especially glad to show it all to J.

I don't know what to think when I see J, and my face can't help but smile. I can just hold him and everything is ok. Every bad thought, every sad thought fades when he kisses me. I used to find it odd that we don't ever fight. I think we've yelled at each other once? twice? But now I find it comforting. That's not to say we don't disagree, but I think we learned as adults, that is not the way to resolve conflict. We talk about things, and in talking, I find out more about him than I ever would have. So I'm as lucky as Jason Mraz to have you as my life partner, J. Can't wait to see you after work!

Why, Brat, Why!

So the biggest news of the day,week,month or whatever has happened to you!

DECATUR, Ga. - Da Brat was sentenced Friday to three years in prison for hitting a hostess in the head with a rum bottle during an altercation at a suburban Atlanta nightclub last fall.

Come on Brat!!! /shakes head. I'm speechless

Anyway, so my weekend was fantastic! Friday night we went to Havana Rumba (pics later. I keep getting behind on them!) Except for an extremely loud birthday party of 30 people behind us, everything was so good. I love the chicken tamale appetizer and the pressed Cuban Sandwich. The bread was crispy like a cracker which I loved. If you want authentic Cuban food, go there, you will not be disappointed.

I had a great time with J this weekend just spending time with my friends and him. I never get tired of him and I realize I miss him whenever he's not around me. He walks out of the room and I miss him, he goes to work and I miss him. A friend told me that it's ok to feel that way. I thought there was something wrong with me.

But I'm excited about this weekend coming up. Not only is it a three day weekend but it's the Worldfest! I'm really excited to go. I'm going to look at the schedule and see everything that's going on. Maybe I can prod us out of bed to go every day! (That's being hopeful)

We made Pizzagna on Saturday and omg it's amazing. Think about pizza in a pasta form. I wish I had taken pictures but I forgot. And the best part is, when we took it out of the fridge to get leftovers, it smelled like leftover pizza! I look forward to making something new every week. Every day is something new with this man. I am happy. So happy.

Making The Most Of My Life

I've always felt that one should make the most of the life that they have. Someone should find what makes them happy and do that. But the circumstance of a friend of mine has hit that point home.

She's about to turn 29 (only about six months younger than me) and she has brain cancer. But she has this amazing fighting spirit that I love. She doesn't want pity, she just wants friends that she can talk to. She's beautiful, brave, funny, and I wish I had met her earlier. Her doctor says that she won't make to her next birthday which I hope is a mistake. I guess I am still hoping for a miracle because I feel like I haven't had enough time to get to know her better.

But like most people, when people that they love pass away early, it makes you reflect on your own life. I'm a lot like her and I'm glad I've found what makes me happy. I know if I got sick tomorrow, I'd be happy with who I was with. She brings the feelings of what it's like to be so young and passing away. I know making the most out of my life is important. I enjoy the moment. I try to be slow to anger and quick to forgive. I want to look back and not regret anything.

I'm going to miss her when she leaves. I don't want her to go and I'm praying that she doesn't. I still have to go to Hawaii and visit her (yes, she lives in Hawaii!!! how hawt is that!). Thanks, D, for giving me another life lesson.

Ashamed of my State

I rarely ever get ashamed of Kentucky. Most of the time, I have the comfort of knowing that most of the things that happen go on in the rural parts. But then I read the article below in the Courier Journal. All I could do was just shake my head in disbelief. This is the state that I want to raise my kids in. Don't worry, the shame has pretty much already passed. Until the next time at least. *sigh*

Edit: Yes, I know the woman is not from Kentucky. But most people will gloss over that fact and see where it happened. Continue on.

Mom arrested after filling baby's bottle with wine at State Fair

The Courier-Journal • August 21, 2008

A Missouri woman was arrested at the Kentucky State Fair Monday after police witnessed her feeding her 11-month-old baby an alcoholic beverage in a bottle, according to a police citation.

Jefferson County Sheriff’s officers charged Kathryn Anne Bowen, 40, of endangering the welfare of a minor.

The incident occurred about 9:50 p.m.

The citation says when officers confronted Bowen, she admitted that she was feeding her infant daughter wine to help her sleep.

Child Protective Services were called to the scene to pick up the child, says the citation.

Bowen was charged with endangering the welfare of a minor and the child was placed in protective custody.

Louisville jail records did not list an attorney for Bowen.

Ska-doosh!

Yea, I know I probably didn't spell ska-doosh right but whatever. Stop being so nit-picky! Anyway, because I'm weird, that's probably my favorite line from Kung Fu Panda. If I did martial arts at this point in time, I'd probably be just like Po. Using my weight to defeat my enemies. Perfect excuse to stop exercising....I am a master of Fat Panda style! Ok, well not really, and I'm not going to stop working out. But it would be cool if I could.

Speaking of working out, I forgot the unfortunate side effect of working out....the soreness. O...M...G. My arms are yelling at me...literally. The only way to combat the soreness is to either stop working out for a couple of days (not an option) or to workout some more. Which sounds like a plan to me. So now I'm like...plleeease, let me get to the gym so the soreness can stop lol. Such a vicious cycle, the gym has me in its evil grip.

So I've found a way to battle the anal behavior of youtube. I hate having my videos gone all the time. Don't worry YouTube. I have you now. Ha! Not going to say what it is...but if you want to know, ask me.

I'll probably post more later on today but just wanted to let you all know how awesome Kung Fu Panda was....TOTALLY AWESOME! Now I can't wait for next Tuesday to see something, this time, its either Wanted or X-Files...depends on if something better is out yet. They bring the movies there on a Friday and if it doesn't do well that weekend, it's gone that Thursday. Hellboy 2 was the victim so we won't get to see that one. Maybe something will replace that one though. We can only hope. Until next time kiddos. Happy Comic Book Day!

A Day For Web Trolling

Sometimes I find some really cool stuff on the net. I figured this is a good way to share them with the people that I care about or whoever else wants to read.

Came across this story on yahoo news. The guy wanted to be set in a standing position at his wake. I was surprised but the story has pictures. Officially uber creepy. Check it out here.

To get your mind off of those creepy pictures....here's David Cook's version of Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby". This has been one of my favorite songs for a long time and he just made it better. Lean back and enjoy the words.




As I was webtrolling, I came across this web article. I was like, holy shit! This is awesome! If some of these user interfaces actually came to pass, I would be very very very happy. Take a look and see if you agree with me.

Then I came across this article. Makes me wonder how people can be so stupid. Who would actually believe that this stuff was true. Music like drugs...oh...wait...I think I'm addicted to music sometimes. So why not.

If you're bored at work, take a look at this article (yes I discovered Smashing Magazine. It's a must for developers like me). It's time told in a new way. You'll never look at your boring desktop clock the same.

I love how experts are turned over on their heads at new findings. Take a look here to see what I'm talking about. Go on Aborigines with your bad selves!

I just got back from having lunch with J. We went to this little popcorn place on 5th street. O...M...G. They have cinnamon cream popcorn. Yes, it's expensive but hell yea I'd go back. The stuff is amazing. And I like it cuz a little goes a long way. I just hope they stay in business. So if you ever over that way, it's called 5th Street Pops. You'll like it....I promise.

I love Left-Handed Toons (By Right-Handed People). They have the most random comics on there. I found this on there....like the author, this is how I used to get some of my programming assignments done, but instead of techno...it was Cee-Lo Green or Nas.


It's Tuesday! So everybody knows what that means! It's time for Tuesday Two Dollar movies!!! So it's Kung Fu Panda tonight. I'm excited about it. I really really really love spending time with J. So that way, I can say...I saw with with J, blah, blah, blah. It's all about building memories.

And I'm off the gym. I'll do a crunch for ya.

467 Days

It seems so far away yet I know it will be here in the blink of an eye....467 days baby, that's all.

Anyway, so this weekend was great....pretty much uneventful but I like weekends like that. When we have weekends like that, we grow into each other even more if that makes sense. It's awesome and I can't wait for more weekends like that.

Friday, my employer took our whole department out to Kart Kountry for free food, fun, and games...and Go Karts! (How can you have Kart Kountry without go karts). Anyway, so I had so much fun. Even more fun because instead of working, I was fishtailing around corners on a go kart. And I won fun little toys with my tickets at the games...I know they aren't worth the money that it costs to get them but they are fun anyway...I'll post a pic later tonight. But my job was nice enough to give us tickets and money for the games.

Then after all that fun, had some girl time with my girl Michelle. I am glad to have a friend like that! Even though we are opposites in so many ways, we mesh perfectly. That's my girl! Keep your head up girl, everything is going to work out like it's supposed to.

I ended my evening at Saddle Ridge. J's employer sponsored a get-together there after work and it was so much fun. I love hanging with his co-workers and I really like that they like me too. And J is such a gentleman for walking Ginja the Ninja (Ginger) to her car. That's my baby. J and I briefly saw the fam this weekend but the rest of the weekend was spent into each other. I'll NEVER get tired of that. I discovered my second love....cinnamon bun ice cream by Ben and Jerry's....O....M.....G. If you like cinnamon buns, get some. You will love me for life. I can't wait for Tuesday....Kung Fu Panda!

The Lottery

I read something the other day that reminded me of one of the most chilling stories that I had ever read. I read the story when I was in high school English. It was The Lottery by Shirley Jackson. I can see why the short story made it on the ban list all those years ago. I suppose you could argue by today's standards, The Lottery is like a tame kitten playing with a ball of string but the story still sends chills down my spine to this day.

If you haven't read it, you can read the story here. I think what creeps me out is everybody's tone. Everybody acts like its a normal thing. People are laughing, giggling, and playing. Knowing what had to pass. I think the central theme in the story is how the victim wasn't against the system until it affected her. This is something that happens on a regular basis even today. Even though it creeps me out. I still like the story. Reminds me to think of others, I suppose.

The Transformation Begins

So I joined J's gym at his workplace today. I am so excited. I know I've gained weight since being with J. That's just me being comfortable in my own skin. But when I look in the mirror, I know I don't like what I see. So to get healthier and to feel better about myself, I look forward to getting to the gym and working on myself. It helps that it's only $20 a month. I think that the gym being right down the street from me will help with my attendance.

I know what exercises I need to do and I know what works for me. I don't expect this change to be quick. I know what I'm working for and what I really want to do. I believe in myself and I know I can do this by myself with support. This helps me to know that someone is there for me.

I know that self image means a lot to people and it means a lot to me to have a good self image. I am going to look super hot. (Yes, J, I know I'm super hot right now, but you know what I mean.)

The Color Purple!

Every weekend seems to have a highlight lately. But I suppose it's like that with life. The highlight of this weekend was The Color Purple. That Broadway show was soooo good. I know a lot of people are skeptical of Broadway shows that were movies but this one was really good. I love the fact that the entire cast was African-American. The songs were really good and I can't wait to get the soundtrack. I love how they included important points from the movies and the book but didn't feel the need to be a carbon copy of the two. It had its own identity but still it was recognizable as The Color Purple. The actresses playing Shuge and Sofia were amazing. I was just glad to be there with my family and J. I wish I had seen Broadway shows earlier in my life but I'm just glad to be seeing them now.

So I had an amazing weekend. It was so wonderful and I can't wait for Mamma Mia in November and Wicked in December! I think I love experiencing the show with my family and J most of all. I love spending time with my family. We are so cheesy but it's awesome because I know a lot of people don't have what we have and I'm grateful for that. I'm glad that J is a part of my family and that they like him so much. So yea, I'm in a great mood. An awesome mood.

Also, I made the decision to get myself enrolled in some kind of martial arts. This is something that I have wanted to do for years. J has a coworker that is involved in a class so I'll be a beginner but I'm excited to learn. They do Shaolin style! I think the reason that martial arts appeals to me is the structure and the discipline that they teach. I look forward to that more than anything else. So hopefully you'll see me doing that eventually. Deidre is involved in Tae Kwon Do.....we could have a sparring match!

Congratulations Joshua!

So Joshua won So You Think You Can Dance. I rarely get what I want so I was pleasantly surprised. That was the best finale I have ever seen. Most of the time I'm just waiting for the results on most finales but I really loved the progression it took. I'm a huge fan of the show and i can't wait until next season.

A part of me wishes that I had stayed in dance class when i was younger. But I can always get back into it. I know people who have gotten into dancing, martial arts, gymnastics, horseback riding all over the age of 30. So if they can do it, why can't I? That's something I will have to ponder. I might not even have the time to devote!

But I was extremely happy with the show and I hope to see Joshua and the rest of the dancers do great things. Unlike American Idol, the dancers do seem to have some meaningful impact.

The Wonders of Main Street

Yesterday during lunch, J and I took a wandering trip down Main Street. We took our time and saw things that we wouldn't normally see and others that we see all the time but never stop to marvel in them. You can view the whole album here but I just thought I'd post my favorite ones below.



Tarc Trolley Stop


Cool Jeans Tag


Lone branch on a grate


Main Street Clock


Flowers in three stages


Main Street Fire Hydrant


Tree rings.....hand carved


Broadway Promotion Poster


Trash Can

Sculpture/bike rack


Building mirror


Goddess in Humana Building

Sisters and Missing J (not Joshua)

Last my sisters and i had sister time watching So You Think You Can Dance. We even had Deidre on the speakerphone to complete the Super Quad Sisters (yes I just made that up, but it's hot though....you know it is :p) But watching SYTYCD and Project Runway together is just one way that we stay close.

But watching the finale last night was great. Of course we are all on Joshua's side (except for Deidre. She's a Twitch fan for some reason.) But I am getting in my mode of "OMG! I wish I knew him cuz he's so super cool!" I'm reining it in baby, I promise. But I do think he's a good hearted person along with being a fantastic dancer. All of the top four are ones that I am so impressed with. I missed last season but I have heard from the twins that this season beats last season by a landslide. I love how they open up to new genres. They don't do just what's popular but they choose styles that will enhance the dancers in some way.

Watching TV together is just one of the ways that my sisters and I bond. It is a day for no boyfriends or significant others. Just us (me, Danielle, and Kim cuddled up on the bed with Deidre on the speakerphone). We'll continue with Project Runway but then we have to find another Sister Show to watch. Hmmmm weekly traditions are the bomb.

But on another note. I miss J. Yes I just saw him an hour and a half ago. Yes he's right down the street from me. And yes I will see him in three hours. But I still miss him. I miss him when he's not around. Listening to No Air over and over makes me think of him. He brings so much light to my life. I can't wait to see you baby!

Diablo III...../drool anyone?

Part One


Part Two

Some of my favorite VA Beach Pics

Kim thought she could hear the ocean.



I love the pic with all the cousins.



I love Kim's face.



OMG! These girls are so skinny!



They take the best action shots.



I love my mom. Better luck next time Kim.



I swore this glove was a hand. I got laughed at :(

Happy Comic Book Wednesday

Happy Comic Book Day out there to everybody. Even if you don't read comic books, it's still comic book day!

So last night I went to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (could they have picked a longer name?). I am so glad that I only paid $2 for it. Go Village Eight $2 Tuesdays! Anyway, so what I got from the movie was classic Indy. The silliness, the predictability, everything was there. But what I think Steven Spielberg failed to realize is that times change and everything that was good back in the day isn't necessarily good today. Some parts I laughed. J laughed so hard at the ants that consume every living thing. I mean so many parts of it were classic Indy. And then other parts were so out there that not even Indiana Jones could pull it off.

Overall, good enough entertainment for my money. But I would have been mad if I had paid more. I think Harrison Ford needs to hang up his hat and whip and do some roles that don't require stunts. You could obviously tell it wasn't him. Now if he still did his own stunts, that would be hot. So if your absolutely bored and you want classic Indy with some unbelievable parts thrown in, go for it. At least Bazo's was great! Mmmmmm fish tacos.

Oh! P.S! My vacation pics are up. http://picasaweb.google.com/reneecrocker/VirginiaBeach2008

True Life

Last night, I watched two episodes of True Life on MTV. I have been watching this show for years but it has never hit that close to home like it did last night.

The first episode was "I Don't Trust My Partner". In no way, shape, or form does this apply to my relationship now. This applies to my past relationships. The way that these people responded to each other and how they didn't believe what the other said. It reminded me so much of what I came from. One of couples realized that the key to trusting each other was to have more open communication. After they discovered this, things became so much better. Then a month later, he passed away. It made me really sad to see this. It took me almost 30 years to realize that open communication is the best way to keep a relationship going. It saddens me to see couples who have yet to reach that. You might not like what the other has to say, but if they truly love you, they will stay with you as long as your honest. That episode let me see what I have come from and I thank God over and over for the relationship that I have now with J.

The next episode was "I Can't Stay Thin". At first I thought the episode would just be about individuals who have a problem with their weight. But it was so much more than that. I recognized so much of myself in this episode. There were two individuals in the episode, a girl who kept yo-yo dieting and a guy who would go through periods of binging and starvation.

I identified with the girl because she was insistent that she didn't care about being healthy, she just wanted to lose the weight fast so she could look better and feel better about herself. She mentioned how she hated to look at herself in pictures and in the mirror. Even though her family and boyfriend were telling her that she was beautiful, she didn't see it. This was heart wrenching because it sounded so much like me in my mind sometimes. There were times when I didn't care what I ate did to my body. I just wanted to lose. So I could look at the mirror and smile.

The guy in the episode used to be morbidly obese. He looked in the mirror one day and committed himself to getting to his target weight of 215. He moved away from his family, friends, quit his job, stayed in his apartment all day, and ate one meal of about 300 to 400 calories every day. He made it to his target weight over a year later. He started to binge and starve, binge and starve. It brought tears to my eyes to remember how I used to do something like this. Nowhere near as extreme but the same feelings. When he was binging, he told the camera that he would do better tomorrow, this was the last time. It was heartbreaking because I knew exactly what he felt. He mentioned that food numbs him....and I know that feeling. When something bad happens, I used to eat the pain away.

Watching these two young people struggle for a healthy body weight and a positive self image made me reflect on my own body image. I haven't liked my weight since I was in high school and I'm working towards being ok with myself now. I have a slow metabolism which works against me and I have to be content that weight loss will not be fast. It will be slow for me. I can't binge when I do eat bad, but I don't have to eat good all the time. Finding a healthy balance for me and what works for me is ideal. I want to be healthy with a positive body image. I'm working toward it. I am.

Virginia Beach 2008!

It's so funny how much I focus on the beach part of the trip in my title. I think that's because I have always loved the beach so much. Anyway, this was one of my favorite beach trips ever. I wish I could have had more beach time but that's for next year, definitely.

The drive up was great. J let me sleep six hours before asking me to drive. I felt bad but I'm lucky to have a man who loves to drive :) We crashed when we got there but then enjoyed an awesome time at the beach with all of my sisters and my cousin, Nikki. It was the first time we had all really been there without my parents but it was cool all the same. It just felt different. But the weather was perfect and we lazed around for hours. I loved spending some quality time with them. They bonded with J which was awesome. I love that my family loves him and has immediately taken to them.

We went back home and chilled a little but we went to bed kinda early for the fishing trip. It was so great! At first, nobody was catching fish and I was getting kinda pissed lol. Then, everybody kept catching! Of course, my Dad was bragging but what would the fishing trip be if there was no bragging? I caught a healthy amount of 10 (not including an oyster toad, a baby sea bass, and a ton of seaweed lol). J claims he caught that much...but I don't know lol. I loved J's face when he first heard the fish croak. I told him that they were called croaker for a reason but he didn't believe me!

J got a sunburn :( but I think I still beat him in the tanning competition. Another day and I would have been all caramel golden like I like. Oh well, enough damage done to my skin this year. I won't do it again until next year.

The trip had soooooo many good memories. Luckily, I documented them with pictures. Unfortunately, I'm at work so no posting atm. That's going to have to wait until tonight. I love J so much and I was so happy that I could make new, fresh memories with him. I can't wait for him to meet the rest of my family. And I'm nervous but excited to meet his. Everything is coming together as it should be :D